Funny dating rules
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You risk not being able to reach her. RULE 16: No relationship is a committed one until both people agree that it is. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. RULE 6: After getting a girl's phone number, wait at least two too to call her to avoid appearing desperate. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Hockey games are okay.
Rules for women 1. Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again! Sometimes we are not thinking about you. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Don't cut your hair. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! We don't remember dates. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. If you think you're fat, you probably are. We've been tricked before!! If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. And quit whining to your girlfriends. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. If it itches, it will be scratched. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping. Rules for men 1. Never tape any of her body parts together. If a guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls. If a guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad. Being attentive is good. Slapping is a felony. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed. Her cooking is excellent. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking. Soap is your friend. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay. Two words: clean socks. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're drunk. Burping is not sexy. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is. Ditto for your discourse on football. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice. You don't clean plaque with your tongue. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you. Don't tell her you love her if you don't. Tell her you love her if you do. Always, always suck up to her brother. Don't try to change the way she dresses. Her haircut is never bad. Don't let your friends pick on her. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your ass smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything. Anonymous 51 We enjoy a clean house too, get up off your butt and help. Being selfish in bed will lead to abstinence. Because 99% of the time, there is only 1 thing you can say to a standoffish guy that will grab him by the heartstrings- And get his blood pumping at just the thought of you. Insert subject line here and link it to: Once you say this to him, or even send this simple phrase in a text message... It will flip his world upside down and you will suddenly find him chasing you- And even begging to be with you.
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